Mental Health *Your eyes only*

Everybody thinks about mental health in different ways, and it can vary from age, gender, culture.

When you meet me I’m a bubbly, outgoing person, who wants to help everyone and do the best I can! However you would never know I suffer with depression and anxiety unless I told you.

Personally I can probably count on one hand how many people know I battle with my mental health most days and have done for a few years now.

Looking back at times I was screaming out for help and people couldn’t see as on paper everything was fine and I was holding myself together in situations I was in but when the people closest to me started seeing the cracks I knew I needed to do something.

However at first I thought it was just me and being told 3 times by the doctor that I have everything going for me and I have no reason to feel this way made me think something was wrong with me because yes, I do have a family who love me, friends who would do anything for me, a degree, a good job, a house over my head but that doesn’t take away the feeling of being lonely even though I’m not alone.

Finally a younger new doctor listened to me and help me along my path of recovery, I know I’m not there yet and I know I still have good days and bad days but I don’t show this side of me to many people because I don’t think most will understand. Simple things like getting up in the morning takes me longer than most people, not because I’m just tired but because I need to mentally prepare myself for the day and put any doubts I have behind me to achieve the best I can.

I get frustrated easier than most people, because I do take things personally and have to justify everything I do. This is part of my daily battle, it means I over think the littlest thing that most people will brush off. I am much stronger then I was a few years ago due to talking to people and realising that keeping things in isn’t the best way.

Keeping busy is my way of avoiding things but when I have down time it all hits at once and can be worse than just taking the little steps each day and talking about things to someone to get them off your chest- I am still learning every day when new challenges face me.

I know certain things I have dealt with in the past had lead me to where I am today, I can’t change them but I can change what I make myself and how I move forward with the help of the people around me.

Don’t be scared because more people are like you then you know and its ok to not be ok, its how you move forward that matters as you only have one life.

I still have to remind myself of simple things like that and life is never going to be perfect but its amazing to think how much better it can be if people opened up and wasn’t afraid of what others thought.