2018

"Its been a while, I haven't really felt like blogging and kinda been in a bit of a weird head space... Nothing is really wrong, actually I'm quite happy with certain things but ive been having more days that I just want to be on my own! I'm not sleeping well as my mind is so busy and I feel like the aspects which aren't great are starting to drain on me and where I'm covering them up to make myself happy when I'm not doing anything I'm too tired to actually get motivation for the gym, cooking etc.

I feel like I'm a rubbish friend to certain people at the moment as I just don't have the energy, but I know everyone is there for me"

So I logged on here for the first time in 9 months and saw the above post I started writing in March 2018 lets just say I didn't realise at the time what the rest of the year had for me. I haven't blogged in almost a year as I lost my mojo and to be honest almost lost myself.

In 2018 I lived in 4 houses and moved 3 times (One house move for someone in a year is enough) I realised I need to sort out my debt because I couldn't keep living on credit, I lost friends along the way and finally my health became so bad I was sleeping for 16 hours a day at weekends and getting up going to work and coming back home and sleeping on weekdays. As per the above that's when things started getting bad but by July after 2 weeks in bad with suspected viral meningitis I couldn't carry on how I was! I feel asleep in a meeting, swerved my car not once but twice on the way to havant and was basically a zombie. I was their in person but not in mind. I couldn't finish a sentence first time and I was a mess. Luckily the doctors listened to me and found I have a deficiency which means I have to have B12 injections every 3 months for the rest of my life but they have made a huge improvement. Don't get me wrong I'm still not there but I will get there.

I felt let down by people and work during this time, especially as it was a time I really needed them to see I needed help even with the strong front I put on. I had a few other set backs throughout the year but that's normal for people with men, work, family etc (nothing out the ordinary) but I got through it and on new years eve even though I had the opportunity to go a few places, I opened a bottle of red wine, watched all 3 Bridget Jones and brought the new year in with the one thing I love more then anything in this world. My dog Bear.

Don't get me wrong 2018 has some good memories, I went to Norway, Butlins, The Long Festival and Gran Canaria. I got bear and a stable home for the next 6 years of my life. I made new friends and I began to love my own company (Maybe to much but hey!)

I thought to myself what can be my new year resolutions be without doing the normal, lose weight, be healthy stuff! Don't get me wrong I need to lose weight and find it in myself to love myself again and it will come over time but blogging made me happy in a weird way even when I was sad, it made me write down what I was thinking when I was angry or happy and I think it helped other people realise that we are all the same, we all have issues, some more then others but to help each other should be our main goals.

I am the worst at forgetting to reply, or making sure someone is alright after not talking to them for a while cause life does get in the way but at the end of the day as long as the people that will be there and love you just the way you, make sure you keep them because friendship like that doesn't come around often.

2019 hasn't been the best so far (Yes I know its only been a week) But I got some bad news and had horrible neighbours moaning as they sit on the arse and have nothing better to do! but if yours has been the same just remember there is still 11 months and 3 weeks to go... it can still be your year! (reminder... take my own advice!)

So to sign this off, I'm going to try and get back on the blogging wagon so that I can help me and others around me about anything from pants, pets and problems! :)