It's not you, It's me....

It's not you, its me a classic breakup line that I've heard far too many times, which is making me think.... hang on a moment... the only common factor is me!

I give everything into a relationship and can honestly say I have no regrets because at least I tried! But I have had some relationships when I can honestly say I was the only one putting in the effort! I never give up for something I believe which may come across wrong (Psychoish) but I hate not having closure as it plays on my mind of what did I do wrong? It's not you, its me is not closure because even if you have an excuse, tell me talk to me, don't just ignore me! That happened after a 2 year relationship and a friendship before that ! (but that was him as he was with someone else 2 weeks after we broke up... when I found that out I got the closure I needed as it all made sense!)

I always assumed that relationships were easy and it just works but that's not true at all! I'm a person who hates arguing and have been told I'm a bit of a walkover... its not that but pick your fights sometime its easier to let it go!

You need to work at relationships, there not always sunshine and rainbows, and although love starts out as a feeling and a chemical reaction it then evolves into a choice, a choice to work with each other and fight for happiness that you know you want and can give each other.

I also know the its not you, its me can be true... when I started seeing someone for a few dates last year I wasn't ready. He was a nice person and maybe if I was In a better head space it could have worked but at that moment in time it never was. I also have the stupid belief if its meant to be it will be and everything sorts itself out If its meant to. I do have a person who for some reason is in the back of my mind as I believed I could have made them happy and still could but they don't see that and therefore as I said earlier in the post, I know I tried and you cant force someone to love you.

As much as it may hurt and I could count on one hand how many time I've really been broken hearted (most from long term relationships and one from a few months) You cant force something because it will never work in the long run, it can be the right person but the wrong time and maybe if your lucky it will be like a movie and become the right person, right time but maybe you'll find someone else who treats you like a princess and make you forget all the times your cried over the wrong person.

This year I have noticed how high my walls have become and this might effect future relationships, but each time you get hurt, it effects you differently and you react in a different way.

Holding onto the past is also the worst thing you can do, and never judge people against what you think is what you want as the new person may prove its not! I do also believe that you may have your life planned out, like for me I think I want to get married, have kids etc but I might find a person who changes all that and actually all I want is them!

My stepdad once said something about my mum which is always in my mind, "I love your mum more everyday" and considering they have been together almost 17 years, that's what I want someone to say about me!

So although I'm on my own at the moment, and would love to be swept of my feet, find that person who I want to spend my life with. I'm also ok on my own as I need that to be the right person and you can admit that its not you, it was them! I know I tried but at that time it wasn't enough for any of my past relationships but it will be good enough for someone one day (well I hope so anyway!).

If you force something you could be the one saying its not you, its me because your not ready and its not right! Just go with the thought of it will happen when the time is right! That could be with a past person or with someone you haven't even met yet! I have days where I forget to love myself but you need to love yourself so someone else can love you too!